Odor the ocean and really feel the Sky.
Let your soul and spirit fly.
. – Van Morrison
I’m wondering generally, did my mom know that twenty years later today would nonetheless depart its indelible mark on my coronary heart? Did she know that twenty years later the reminiscence can be nonetheless be held within the palms of my soul? Did my mom know that twenty years later, the unhappiness of today would nonetheless quietly sit inside my bones?
I’m wondering if she knew?
Annually, I can’t consider that one other has passed by. Her loss was yesterday. And in addition her loss was without end in the past. The reminiscence of my mom is all the time recent in my thoughts. And but the reminiscence of my mom is all the time so distant, generally I’m wondering if she had been ever right here in any respect.
It’s humorous how the dichotomy of my sense of her loss can nonetheless dictate how I really feel. It’s usually troublesome for me to are likely to this grief, when one second I really feel a method, and moments later I really feel one other.
Twenty years in the past I used to be at a loss as to learn how to go on. Did she know, after we scattered her ashes at sea, that it might be the exact same sea that might save me?
Did my mom know that Mary would drag me by the ear and demand that I step into the water so as to let it carry me?
Twenty years in the past did my mom know that at the moment I might let Mary take me to the water once more?
I’m wondering if my mom knew?
My mom may by no means swim. Water was too overwhelming and huge for her.
At the moment I’ll stand on the water’s edge and remind her, and myself, that overwhelming and huge issues may be therapeutic too.
I consider that’s the reason I used to be led to the ocean within the days after my mom died. I believe her spirit was with me twenty years in the past. I consider that within the days after my mom died, her hand was nonetheless in mine. Maybe that’s the reason I used to be led to the ocean, the identical ocean the place her ashes had been scattered, the identical overwhelming, huge, and therapeutic ocean.
Twenty years in the past, I believe my mom knew.
El Collie ~ November 4, 1947 ~ April 17, 2002
