…or Why Your Coworker’s “I’m fantastic” Simply Ruined Your Complete Day
Passive-aggression: the fantastic artwork of claiming “no matter” with a tone meaning “you’ll remorse this in your sleep.” Whether or not you’re the one dishing it out or decoding it like an FBI profiler, each Enneagram kind has their very own awkward dance with it. Some varieties detest it. Others specialize in it. Let’s break down how every kind handles the traditional artwork of the delicate jab.
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How the Enneagram Sorts Really feel About Passive-Aggression
Kind One: The Smoldering Martyr
“I’m not mad. I simply assume it’s fascinating that nobody adopted the guidelines I clearly posted on the fridge.”
Ones strive to not be passive-aggressive. They need to be direct, principled, and mature. However after they’ve been biting their tongue for the forty seventh time and their interior critic is at DEFCON 1? That tightly folded dish towel and aggressively calm silence communicate volumes. Their passive-aggression leaks out in martyred sighs, fastidiously timed “useful” reminders, and saint-like restraint that someway seems like a guilt journey.
On the receiving finish: Feels morally allergic to it
“It’s dishonest. You probably have one thing to say, say it with integrity and use bullet factors.”
Ones need direct, principled conversations—ideally with a transparent path to decision. Passive-aggression seems like emotional littering to them. It’s lazy, unclear, and worst of all, inefficient. For those who’re going to be mad, be mad like an grownup and convey a clipboard.
Kind Two: The Useful Guilt Tripper
“Oh, I already took care of it for you. Once more. No worries. You’ve obtained a lot in your plate.”
Twos don’t need to be passive-aggressive. They simply need to be beloved. However when their giving goes unnoticed and unreciprocated, their resentment brews. Count on emotional booby traps disguised as kindness. “No, go have enjoyable. I’ll simply keep right here and do the whole lot.” If they carry you soup and also you didn’t ask for it, you’re in hassle.
On the receiving finish: Thinks they’re above it… till they’re not
“I simply need open communication… except you harm my emotions. Then I’d simply go quiet till you discover one thing’s mistaken.”
Twos will say passive-aggression is poisonous and unkind. However inside? It’s a smooth blanket they often wrap round their resentment after they really feel underappreciated. They received’t admit to being passive-aggressive, however you’ll positively really feel it after they ship your espresso with “No, it’s fantastic. I’m simply drained.”
Kind Three: The Chill-Wanting Overachiever with a Vengeful Spreadsheet
“Oh wow, you’re nonetheless engaged on that? I knocked it out final week.”
Threes hate mess, and passive-aggression is messy. However when somebody undermines them or takes credit score for his or her work, they’ll retaliate… effectively. Count on precision-strike shade. Completely timed standing updates. Passive flexes like “Simply needed to loop you in on what I completed whilst you had been out.” It’s not private—it’s efficiency.
On the receiving finish: Thinks it’s sloppy branding
“Being oblique wastes time. If I would like outcomes, I’m going straight to the supply. Or to the particular person above them.”
Threes don’t like passive-aggression. It slows the hustle. However after they really feel slighted and don’t need to tarnish their picture? You may get a professionally veiled energy transfer—one thing sufficiently subtle to protect their status however spicy sufficient to remind you who’s boss.
Kind 4: The Withering Look and Ambiguous Instagram Story
“Nothing’s mistaken. Simply feeling so much proper now and wish house.”
Fours invented emotional nuance. Their passive-aggression is extra about pausing the world and figuring it out individually than battle tactic. Count on cryptic texts, moody playlists, and emotionally loaded pauses. You received’t get a struggle. You’ll get a haunting. A poetic one. For those who see a Story captioned “Some individuals by no means actually see you,” it’s in all probability about you.
On the receiving finish: Feels prefer it’s a poetic weapon
“It’s not passive-aggression, it’s emotional nuance.”
Fours perceive passive-aggression like a language. They don’t at all times like it (particularly when it’s used in opposition to them), however they see it as an one other approach to creatively specific what’s happening beneath the hood emotionally. A moody playlist? A cryptic social media submit? That’s not avoidance—that’s vulnerability with style.
Kind 5: The Disappearing Act
Learn at 9:42 AM. No reply.
Fives don’t do melodrama. They do… vanishing. When aggravated, they retreat to their lair and weaponize their silence like a psychological ghost pepper. You’ll get no clarification, no blow-up, no closure. Only a locked door and a Wi-Fi sign that mysteriously drops everytime you textual content. Their model of passive-aggression is emotional withdrawal with 24-hour buffering.
On the receiving finish: Needs it got here with subtitles
“Look, I don’t do subtext. Say what you imply. Or don’t say something.”
Fives see passive-aggression as emotional static. It’s complicated, immature, and admittedly exhausting. You probably have an issue, ship them an electronic mail. For those who’re simply going to vibe weirdly round them and count on them to learn your thoughts? They’ll be within the subsequent room. With a locked door.
Kind Six: The Frosty Loyalty Tester
“Simply needed to verify in—you’re not mad at me, proper? As a result of it felt such as you had been mad.”
Sixes don’t imply to be passive-aggressive. They’re simply anxious, and generally their nervousness sounds… suspicious. They’ll check the waters to see if you happen to’re nonetheless secure to belief. Count on double-meanings, loaded hypotheticals, and a dozen “what if” situations cloaked in concern. If they are saying “It’s fantastic, I’m simply overthinking,” they’re positively not fantastic, and try to be involved.
On the receiving finish: Thinks it’s a pink flag… but additionally a doable check
“I hate passive-aggression. Wait. Until they’re utilizing it to trace at one thing I want to repair. Then… perhaps it’s useful?”
Sixes don’t belief passive-aggression as a result of it makes the whole lot really feel unstable. They crave readability and loyalty. However their very own nervousness generally nudges them into utilizing it—simply to see if you happen to care sufficient to dig. It’s a protection mechanism and a check.
Kind Seven: The Distraction Diplomat
“Let’s simply get ice cream and fake none of this occurred!”
Sevens hate confrontation and can outrun passive-aggression prefer it’s a swarm of bees. However after they do get upset, you’ll hear it by jokes, sarcasm, or awkward deflections. Their go-to transfer is making the whole lot “humorous” in a method that form of stings. “Haha keep in mind whenever you completely blew off my birthday lunch? Basic you!” Ouch.
On the receiving finish: Thinks it’s boring
“Ugh, simply discuss to me or let’s go get tacos and transfer on.”
Sevens would somewhat dash by a corn maze than sit in a room stuffed with unstated rigidity. Passive-aggression seems like being slowly smothered with a throw pillow. For those who’re upset, say it. For those who’re not, let’s go do one thing enjoyable and by no means communicate of this once more.
Kind Eight: The Passive-Aggressive Aggressor (aka… Simply Aggressive)
“I don’t do passive-aggression. I say what I imply.”
And but… when Eights strive to be delicate, it’s like watching a bear whisper. Their concept of passive-aggression may contain intense eye contact, veiled threats disguised as “jokes,” or sentences like “You do you” stated with simply sufficient chunk to begin a struggle. Even after they’re holding again, the depth nonetheless leaks by their pores.
On the receiving finish: Thinks it’s cowardice in a trench coat
“Passive-aggression is simply aggression with no guts.”
Eights haven’t any endurance for tiptoeing across the reality. To them, passive-aggression is manipulative and weak—an insult to actual honesty. They’ll respect you extra if you happen to simply storm in and inform them they ruined your birthday than if you happen to go quiet and submit a obscure tweet about “pretend pals.”
Kind 9: The Candy Stonewall
“It’s okay, actually. I didn’t even discover.”
They seen. They seen, and so they wrote it down within the Ebook of Everlasting Grudges, proper subsequent to the time you interrupted them in 2009. Nines are conflict-averse, however that doesn’t imply they’re not mad. It means they’ll shut down, zone out, and emotionally ghost you whereas smiling politely. You received’t even notice you’re being iced out… till it’s been every week and so they nonetheless haven’t texted again.
On the receiving finish: Seems like they’ve been emotionally booby-trapped
“I don’t know what I did mistaken, however now I’m spiraling and possibly received’t sleep tonight.”
Nines hate passive-aggression. Not in a fiery, ranty method—extra within the quietly soul-sucking, “why does the whole lot really feel mistaken now” form of method. When somebody’s being passive-aggressive, Nines take up the strain like emotional sponges. They could not reply outwardly, however inside they’re working infinite psychological diagnostics attempting to determine what they missed.
And since they’re wired to take care of peace, they’ll usually blame themselves first:
“Did I say one thing bizarre?”
“Ought to I’ve texted again sooner?”
“Are they mad or simply drained?”
In the meantime, they tiptoe across the particular person like they’re strolling previous a sleeping bear—attempting to not provoke extra silence, extra bizarre smiles, extra “No, I’m fantastic :)”s that really feel like emotional landmines.
What Do You Suppose?
Did we precisely seize how you’re feeling about passive aggressiveness? Tell us within the feedback!
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