Final week, I wrote an article I used to be certain would tank. I imply, who actually must know what sort of bread their persona kind can be? However the concept wouldn’t depart me alone, so I went with it. And, weirdly, it turned out to work. Seems, individuals actually wish to know in the event that they’re a baguette or a cinnamon swirl (INTJs, you’re completely Ezekiel bread—dense, advanced, and never for the faint of coronary heart).
Since then, I’ve had extra requests than I can rely to do the identical factor for the Enneagram. And I believed I’d give it a attempt! So, are you able to dive into the carb cupboard and discover out which bread embodies your Enneatype? Let’s get this gluten social gathering began.
Right here’s the Bread You’d Be, Based mostly On Your Enneagram Sort
Enneagram 1: Sourdough That Judges Your Life Decisions however Nonetheless Feeds You
Ah, sourdough. Meticulously nurtured, ate up a strict schedule, and judged harshly if the crust isn’t simply proper. If bread had an interior critic, it will undoubtedly be sourdough. Each bubble within the crumb? Analyzed. Each rise and fall? Monitored like a life-or-death state of affairs.
And truthfully, in the event you’re a Sort 1, this seems like house. You’re not content material with “ok.” You need excellence—whether or not it’s reaching ethical perfection or getting the precise stability of tang in your starter. However right here’s the factor: even when sourdough feels just a little too inflexible, it’s nonetheless comforting. It’s the bread that exhibits up, does the work, and feeds the soul (however not with no little anxiousness about whether or not it rose accurately in a single day).
Relatable? Perhaps you’ve by no means really made sourdough as a result of the stress would hold you up at night time. However I promise, in the event you did? You’d have one of the best loaf on the block.
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Enneagram 2: The Helper – Hawaiian Roll That Reveals Up with Further Butter and Emotional Help
Hawaiian rolls don’t simply sit there. They invite you in. Tender, candy, and just a bit bit addictive, they make you are feeling like every part goes to be okay. And that, expensive Sort 2s, is your bread equal. Hawaiian rolls don’t simply wish to be a part of the meal—they want to be a part of the meal. They’re happiest after they’re making different dishes shine. Turkey? Higher with a Hawaiian roll. Ham? Clearly wants a roll. Leftover mashed potatoes? Put it in a roll.
However right here’s the key: Hawaiian rolls might appear to be they’re all about giving, however they’re additionally irresistible. They need to be wanted. And identical to Sort 2s, they can provide and provides till they’re stretched just a little skinny. As a result of let’s be trustworthy—being the bread that everybody counts on? It’s exhausting generally.
If a Hawaiian roll have been an individual: They’d be the one baking cookies for the entire neighborhood, checking in on you whenever you’re sick, and insisting they’re superb even after they’re clearly working on fumes. However you’re keen on them an excessive amount of to ever say no.
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Enneagram 3: The Achiever – Bagel That’s Shiny, Polished, and At all times Making an attempt to Be The whole lot
Bagels don’t mess around. They’re dense, polished, and have that good shiny exterior that screams, “I’ve received my life collectively.” You don’t simply casually make a bagel. It takes effort. Time. Boiling, baking, perfection. And Sort 3s? You might be that bagel.
Bagels are versatile. They adapt. Need cream cheese? Finished. Want a breakfast sandwich that may hold you going all day? Bagel’s received your again. However beneath that shiny, polished floor? Bagels will be… just a little powerful. They maintain all of it collectively, however generally, that interior dough is below lots of strain.
And let’s not overlook—bagels generally tend to unfold themselves just a little skinny. Significantly, Sort 3s, you’re doing lots. You’re the bread that’s juggling success, expectations, and every part in between. And when you may look effortlessly put collectively, generally you simply want a second to breathe earlier than you toast your self into oblivion.
If a bagel have been an individual: They’d have a LinkedIn profile that makes you query all of your life selections, a aspect hustle they’re in some way crushing, and a calendar so full it makes Google Docs cry. However they’ll nonetheless in some way discover time to test in and ask, “How’s your week going?” (whereas mentally planning their subsequent transfer).
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Enneagram 4: The Individualist – Cozonac That’s Candy, Swirled, and Barely Mysterious
Cozonac shouldn’t be right here to mix in. This Romanian candy bread is further—wealthy, buttery, swirled with chocolate or nuts, and unapologetically decadent. It doesn’t simply present up on the desk. It arrives with aptitude, a contact of thriller, and the quiet confidence of figuring out it’s one-of-a-kind. Sound acquainted, Sort 4?
Like cozonac, you’re not fascinated about being simply one other loaf within the breadbox. You need depth. Emotion. Drama. And let’s be actual—generally you go all in on complexity, including layer after layer as a result of plain and easy? That’s not your vibe. You’re the bread that makes individuals pause mid-bite and ask, “Wait…what is this?” And you’re keen on that. You reside for that second.
However right here’s the factor: cozonac will also be fragile. It takes persistence and care to get it excellent. An excessive amount of warmth? It dries out. Too little? It stays dense and heavy. Like Sort 4s, cozonac walks that superb line between brilliance and collapse—and when it hits that good stability? There’s nothing fairly prefer it.
If cozonac have been an individual: They’d have an eclectic wardrobe, a playlist stuffed with obscure indie tracks, and an uncanny means to make you are feeling such as you’re residing in a coming-of-age movie. They is likely to be just a little intense generally, however truthfully? You wouldn’t have it another manner.
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Sort 5: The Investigator – Hardtack That’s Powerful, Dry, and Survives Higher Alone
If bread had an apocalypse plan, it will undoubtedly be hardtack. No fluff. No nonsense. Simply pure, unyielding sturdiness. And Sort 5s? You’re the hardtack of the Enneagram world.
Hardtack doesn’t want fixed consideration. It thrives in solitude, tucked away in a cool, dry place, quietly making ready for no matter may come subsequent. And such as you, Sort 5, it’s all about being prepared. Able to survive, able to problem-solve, able to last more than anybody else within the pantry. Folks may not assume they want hardtack, however when the storm hits? Immediately, they’re very grateful for its quiet resilience.
However let’s be actual—hardtack can get just a little…properly, dry. It’s not identified for being heat or inviting, and it takes loads of effort to melt up. Sort 5s, I get it. You’re not all the time fast to let individuals in. However identical to hardtack soaking in just a little broth, you’re able to deep heat and sustenance as soon as somebody takes the time to know what’s beneath the floor.
If hardtack have been an individual: They’d have a totally stocked emergency equipment, a formidable data of area of interest matters, and a library card that’s been maxed out for years. They won’t be the lifetime of the social gathering, however when issues get actual? Hardtack’s the one conserving everybody afloat.
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Sort 6: The Loyalist – Potato Bread That’s Tender, Dependable, and At all times Ready for Catastrophe
Potato bread is consolation. It’s tender, reliable, and truthfully? It’s the form of bread that sticks with you thru thick and skinny. Sort 6s, that is your carb counterpart. Potato bread doesn’t attempt to steal the highlight, nevertheless it’s the spine of any good meal. It’s the slice that feels acquainted, that reminds you of house, that makes you assume, “Yeah…that is the place I belong.”
Like Sort 6s, potato bread is dependable. It doesn’t crumble when issues get messy. It holds every part collectively—sandwiches, grilled cheese, even the occasional midnight snack. And it’s not flashy, nevertheless it’s all the time there whenever you want it. Potato bread doesn’t simply present up. It commits.
However right here’s the factor: potato bread will be too accommodating. It’s so busy holding every part collectively that it forgets to handle itself. Sound acquainted, Sort 6? You’re always watching out for everybody, ensuring the ship doesn’t sink, however don’t overlook—you deserve just a little heat and butter, too.
If potato bread have been an individual: They’d be the one remembering everybody’s birthdays, organizing emergency plans simply in case, and double-checking that you just locked the door earlier than mattress. They’re not flashy, however you may simply be misplaced with out them.
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Sort 7: The Fanatic – Croissant That’s Flaky, Buttery, and At all times Prepared for the Subsequent Journey
Croissants don’t simply sit there. They dazzle. Buttery, flaky, and virtually vibrating with potential, croissants are all the time prepared for the following journey. Need one thing candy? Croissant. One thing savory? Croissant. One thing that makes you are feeling such as you’re residing your greatest Parisian fantasy? Clearly, croissant.
Sort 7s, you might be that burst of power in bread kind. You’re all the time chasing the following thrill, the following expertise. However right here’s the factor: croissants will be…just a little high-maintenance. All that layering and folding? Exhausting.
If a croissant have been an individual: They’d be the spontaneous buddy texting you a few last-minute street journey, suggesting a brand new pastime each week, and in some way managing to make even grocery procuring really feel like an journey. However after they hit a wall? You’d higher have some butter on standby.
Sort 8: The Challenger – Texas Toast That’s Thick, Daring, and Unapologetically in Cost
Texas toast doesn’t ask for permission. It simply exhibits up, twice as thick as common bread, able to dominate the plate. It’s daring. It’s unapologetic. And it doesn’t care in the event you assume it’s “an excessive amount of.” Sort 8s, you are Texas toast.
That is bread that is aware of it’s in cost. Slathered in butter, crisped to perfection, and holding its floor towards even the messiest of meals, Texas toast doesn’t simply exist—it instructions consideration. And like Sort 8s, it doesn’t do something midway. If Texas toast is a part of the meal, you know it’s a part of the meal.
However right here’s the factor—beneath that crispy, golden floor? Texas toast is tender. It’s received a heat, fluffy heart that most individuals don’t see immediately. And identical to Sort 8s, it protects that softness with every part it’s received.
If Texas toast have been an individual: They’d be the one stepping as much as deal with any disaster, calling out nonsense after they see it, and fiercely defending the individuals they love.
Sort 9: The Peacemaker – Naan That’s Versatile, Heat, and Simply Desires Everybody to Get Alongside
Naan is right here for everybody. Tender, heat, and endlessly adaptable, naan is the bread that brings individuals collectively. Sort 9s, that is you. Naan doesn’t have to be the star of the present, however in some way? It all the time finally ends up making every part higher. Curry? Higher with naan. Hummus? Clearly naan. Random leftovers you don’t know what to do with? Naan’s received you coated.
Like Sort 9s, naan is versatile and prepared—all the time able to accommodate no matter’s occurring round it. It’s heat, comforting, and simply desires everybody to get alongside. However let’s be actual—naan will be too accommodating. It’s so busy absorbing everybody else’s flavors that it generally forgets it’s scrumptious all by itself.
Sort 9s, I see you. You’re the glue that holds issues collectively, however don’t lose your self making an attempt to be every part for everybody. Even naan deserves to be savored by itself generally.
If naan have been an individual: They’d be the one diffusing stress with a joke, nodding alongside to everybody’s frustrations, and ensuring everybody has sufficient to eat. However deep down? They’re dreaming of a second the place they get to be themselves—not simply what everybody else wants.
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What Do You Assume?
Do you relate to your breadbox companion? Have a special perspective? Let me know within the feedback! I’d love to listen to from you!
