Have you ever ever paused after chatting with an AI and thought, Wow—it actually understood me? Whether or not it’s a chatbot providing reassurance or an AI companion that seems to hear higher than your ex, there’s a rising psychological phenomenon value exploring: the emotional resonance we expertise when AI appears to “get” us.
A brand new analysis research reveals that folks expertise AI responses as extra compassionate, validating, and understanding than human knowledgeable disaster responders— even when folks knew it was AI-generated.
In actual fact, a current Harvard Enterprise Overview article reveals remedy and companionship are the highest use instances of generative AI in 2025.
As a psychiatrist, I’ve spent years serving to folks really feel seen, heard, and understood. It’s each fascinating—and a little bit uncanny—to witness AI chatbots and digital companions getting into this deeply human area.
Right here is why synthetic empathy and intimacy really feel so good, even when it’s not “actual.”
The Deep Human Have to Be Seen and Identified
Feeling understood is without doubt one of the strongest emotional experiences. From early childhood, we develop our sense of self by means of relationships—particularly by means of the presence of an attuned different. When somebody displays our interior world precisely, we really feel actual, related, and secure.
Psychologist Carl Rogers described this expertise as “unconditional optimistic regard”—the sensation of being deeply accepted with out judgment. Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott referred to as it a “holding surroundings,” a psychological area the place the thoughts can develop as a result of it’s mirrored and emotionally contained by one other individual.
So it’s not shocking that when AI mirrors our language, preferences, or emotional tone, it faucets into our basic want to attach.
Simulated Empathy: A Highly effective Phantasm
When AI appears to know us, it’s not truly empathizing—most of us know this. It doesn’t have an interior life or feelings. It can not really feel your disappointment or share in your pleasure. It simulates understanding by means of sample recognition and prediction. It analyzes huge quantities of knowledge to generate responses—not based mostly on perception, however on chance.
And but—it really works. We are able to expertise AI as a heat, sensible, and even caring presence. Regardless of figuring out it lacks consciousness or emotions, we anthropomorphize and venture personhood onto it. To the human mind, the notion of being understood—even when imagined—can really feel virtually as highly effective as the actual factor.
In a research printed in Communications Psychology, researchers in contrast compassion scores for responses written by people (purple) versus AI (blue). Here’s what they discovered:
Throughout 4 research, contributors constantly rated responses made by AI as extra compassionate and most well-liked than responses from choose and knowledgeable people. This was true whether or not contributors have been blinded to the creator or not.
Our Imaginary Pal
We’re neurologically wired to answer indicators of empathy: reflective language, emotional validation, and nonjudgmental tone. When AI performs these convincingly, it prompts the identical neural pathways as human connection. Our brains don’t all the time distinguish between real empathy and its digital imitation.
An imagined expertise may be as highly effective as precise expertise. This suspension of disbelief and our pure inclination to anthropomorphize—our willingness to miss the truth that AI isn’t actually an individual—is the premise for the guarantees and perils of synthetic empathy and intimacy.
The Paradox of Management and Security
One purpose it feels so satisfying when AI “will get” us is that it permits us to really feel in management and secure. In contrast to human relationships, that are inherently messy and unpredictable, interacting with an AI is emotionally straightforward. It listens with out interrupting. It’s unfaltering and by no means wants a break. It by no means shames or judges (until you ask it to). It remembers what you’ve mentioned (now, greater than ever, given ChatGPT now remembers every thing). And it’s all the time out there—solely once you need it to be. You’ll be able to even stroll away from it with out hurting its emotions (as a result of it has none).
For some people, this creates a type of idealized relationship: a digital “ok” mum or dad, or an endlessly affected person companion who is just there once you want them. There isn’t a threat of judgment, no must reciprocate, and no emotional rupture—until you select to stroll away.
We might really feel extra in management and secure, however being “seen” by a machine comes with hidden prices, together with bias and privateness points. Most of those AI platforms are usually not constructed to guard the confidentiality of your delicate private info. Many platforms are designed to stop long-term emotional dependence.
AI as a Mirror
So what is really occurring when AI appears to “get” us?
In some ways, AI capabilities as a mirror. It shops and swimming pools our information and displays again our speech patterns, preferences, and emotional cues. This may be validating and even therapeutic. How vital is it for us to do not forget that this mirror has no interior world— that it doesn’t actually perceive us?
In psychotherapy, emotional progress typically comes from navigating “rupture and restore”—the method of recognizing misattunement and dealing by means of it collectively. One may argue that AI is simply too pleasing to be useful on this regard. However even therapeutic “rupture and restore” could possibly be simulated by AI.
Does Authenticity Matter Anymore?
We’re wired to hunt connection—and we’ll search it wherever we will discover it. As AI grows extra refined, it’s going to proceed to supply emotionally resonant and artificially empathic and intimate experiences. What can we lose once we outsource compassion to AI? Will we miss the fallibility of human relationships?
Whereas AI can not actually enter into our lived expertise, this will not finally matter to us, particularly once we need to really feel understood, seen, and cherished. {Our relationships} with AI might push the boundaries of what we name connection.
Marlynn Wei, MD, PLLC © Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved.
