Right here’s the factor nobody tells you about street journeys: they’re mainly trauma bonding with further leg cramps. It begins as a cute concept — “Let’s pile right into a automotive and make recollections!” — however by hour six you’re 90% beef jerky, 10% passive-aggression, and also you’ve stared too lengthy into the void of a Love’s lavatory stall to imagine in hope anymore.
Now think about placing all 9 Enneagram sorts in a single overpacked minivan, with one malfunctioning AC vent, a damaged aux twine, and somebody’s emotional baggage stuffed straight between the Cheetos and the child who’s been narrating the journey.
It’s a bit of little bit of chaos and comedy. It’s the Enneagram meets Mad Max however with extra sunscreen and existential dread.
Let’s start.
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Kind 1: The Perfectionist
It’s 6:58 AM. Departure was set for 7:00 sharp. Kind 1 is sitting within the van, seatbelt buckled, religious resignation on their face. They’ve already wiped down the seats with biodegradable disinfecting wipes. They’ve made a snack itinerary. They laminated it.
By 7:09, the van nonetheless hasn’t left the driveway as a result of Kind 7 awakened late, and Kind 9 forgot to pack footwear. Kind 1’s blood is carbonating of their veins.
By hour 4, they’ve corrected the GPS route, confronted Kind 8 about not utilizing their blinker, and are writing a Yelp evaluation for a fuel station as a result of the lavatory had a rogue bathroom paper roll on the ground and “folks deserve higher.” Their eye is twitching. They faux it’s allergic reactions.
Sooner or later round mile marker 187, they offer up and eat an unplanned bag of peanut M&Ms whereas muttering “this isn’t who I’m” between handfuls.
Kind 2: The Helper
the journey has began when Kind 2 turns round from the passenger seat with a Tupperware container filled with home made banana muffins and says, “Okay! Let’s play the query recreation!”
They’ve packed fourteen completely different snacks, three sorts of Dramamine, and a first-aid package sufficiently big to restart a small civilization. They’re already emotionally invested in everybody’s hydration standing.
By mid-morning, they’re crawling over the middle console to make direct eye contact with Kind 5 like, “Are you positive you’re okay? You haven’t peed in three hours and I really feel such as you’re mad at me.” Kind 5 is just not mad. Kind 5 simply exists in a state of emotional opacity that makes 2s itch.
By lunch, Kind 2 is hanging on by a thread as a result of nobody has correctly thanked them for the roasted chickpea path combine and somebody had the audacity to ask, “Do you could have something with much less turmeric?” (It was Kind 6. It’s all the time Kind 6.)
They spend the afternoon melting down quietly within the backseat, questioning in the event that they’re lovable or simply…helpful. In the meantime, they’re nonetheless passing out juice containers. Due to course they’re.
Kind 3: The Achiever
Kind 3 didn’t battle Kind 8 for the motive force’s seat. That may’ve been inefficient. As an alternative, they claimed the second row: the ability seat. Shut sufficient to affect, far sufficient to dodge accountability if issues go sideways. It’s a branding transfer. They don’t say that, however you possibly can really feel it.
They’re already half-turned towards the window, laptop computer open, hotspot linked, drafting a advertising technique for his or her new start-up.
They’re answering emails. Scheduling reels. Coordinating a sponsorship deal from the car parking zone of a Dairy Queen. Somebody asks in the event that they ever chill out. They smile. The form of smile that claims enjoyable is for individuals who peaked in highschool.
In the meantime, the group is crumbling. Kind 2’s making an attempt to cover the truth that they’re crying behind their sun shades. Kind 6 thinks they may die. Kind 3 is constructing a psychological exit technique and reserving a flight out of the following main metropolis they go.
Nobody is aware of how they preserve doing it. However the van continues to be transferring ahead, and in some way, Kind 3 continues to be…successful?
Sort of.
Kind of.
Don’t look too intently.
Kind 4: The Individualist
Kind 4 didn’t need to go on the street journey. They have been talked into it. They’d a greater concept. One thing quieter. Extra significant. A solo prepare journey by way of a misty forest with a sketchbook and a few melancholy Icelandic people music.
However now they’re right here. Window seat, headphones in, staring dramatically into the space like they’re within the third act of a coming-of-age indie movie. It’s unclear in the event that they’re indignant, unhappy, hungry, or simply bored, however the temper is palpable. They’ve mentioned precisely six phrases since Kansas.
At one level, they reply the Twos invasive questioning with, “I simply really feel…indifferent from the group.” Kind 2 launches themselves throughout the armrest, arms outstretched for a hug. Kind 4 flinches.
They write cryptic poetry within the margins of the map. They take blurry Polaroids of rusty indicators. They stare at a cow in a area and say “similar.” Later, somebody asks in the event that they’re okay, and so they say, “Outline ‘okay.’”
And truthfully? Truthful.
Kind 5: The Investigator
Kind 5 is right here in physique, however solely barely. They’re within the far again nook with noise-canceling headphones, three books, and a digital notepad the place they’re documenting the inefficiency of this complete endeavor.
They didn’t need to come back, however have been informed, “It’ll be good for you!” and now they’re watching the group unravel like a scientist watching mice battle over an empty meals dish: curious, indifferent, barely horrified.
They haven’t spoken in 4 hours. Nobody’s positive in the event that they’re asleep or recharging in some introvert cryo-chamber they’ve constructed out of duffel baggage. Kind 8 says, “You okay again there?” and Kind 5 lifts one eyebrow barely — the closest factor they offer to a standing report.
Somebody suggests enjoying a gaggle automotive recreation. Kind 5 would moderately die. Or higher but, observe everybody else enjoying, silently compiling a listing of psychological weaknesses for later evaluation.
By the point they arrive, they’ve consumed 4 podcasts, three sandwiches, and nil emotional intimacy. Precisely as deliberate.
Kind 6: The Loyalist
Kind 6 is on excessive alert earlier than the van even leaves the curb. They’ve double-checked the oil, the tire stress, the brake lights, and the emotional stability of each individual within the automotive. They printed the AAA membership card.
“Did anybody carry the jumper cables?”
“Sure, Kind 6, you introduced two units.”
“Oh. Proper. Simply ensuring.”
Each bizarre engine noise is a signal. Each missed exit is a unhealthy omen. They’ve imagined eleven doable crash eventualities earlier than lunch, and each single one consists of making an attempt to avoid wasting everybody else first. Kind 8 tried to snicker it off. Kind 6 is not talking to them.
They’re clenching their jaw by way of half the journey, not as a result of they’re indignant, however as a result of they’re conscious of all the pieces. Kind 9 is asleep. Kind 6 envies their ignorance. Should be good, floating by way of life with out a catalog of 800 potential threats scrolling by way of your mind just like the world’s most terrifying flipbook.
Kind 7: The Fanatic
who lives for a street journey? Kind 7. They’re within the passenger seat, sun shades on, toes on the sprint, making an attempt to get everybody to freestyle to a Bizarre Al music whereas handing out Pink Vines.
“Isn’t this FUN?” they yell, for the twelfth time. Kind 1 visibly flinches.
They’ve steered seventeen detours, none of which have been on the itinerary. “Let’s cease on the world’s largest yarn ball!” “Let’s discover that sketchy fuel station with a taxidermy owl out entrance!” Nobody listens. In order that they pull out their telephone and report one other Instagram story with a novelty filter and a automotive full of people that appear to be they’ve simply been by way of struggle.
Finally, somebody snaps at them for not taking issues severely. It hurts. However they cover it behind a joke, like they all the time do, and begin planning a solo journey to Costa Rica of their head whereas nonetheless pretending to care concerning the group vote on quick meals.
Kind 8: The Challenger
Kind 8 didn’t volunteer to drive. They volunteered you to allow them to drive.
Now they’re gripping the wheel with one hand and steering by way of 4 lanes of site visitors like Moses parting the Pink Sea, muttering issues like “Look alive, folks” and “That minivan’s about to chop us off. Watch this.”
When the group begins bickering, Kind 8 says, “Everybody will get three minutes to complain. After that, I’m turning up the radio and emotionally trying out.”
They imply it.
At 3:01, “Freeway to Hell” begins blasting. Nobody dares object.
They make each scheduled cease prefer it’s a navy extraction and nonetheless handle to carry the door open for an aged fuel station worker. “I’m not a monster,” they are saying, dismissing the thanks like compliments are product of acid.
They are saying they don’t care. However they’ve already picked which order they’d pull us from the wreckage in, and who’s emotionally secure sufficient to attend until final.
Kind 9: The Peacemaker
Kind 9 didn’t plan to come back on the journey. They have been invited, vaguely agreed, after which awakened at 6 AM with somebody handing them a journey pillow and a protein bar like, “You mentioned sure, keep in mind?”
Did they?
Possibly.
It doesn’t matter now. They’re within the van, seatbelt on, emotionally buffering.
They introduced a e book they received’t learn, earbuds they received’t use, and a quiet hope that nobody asks them the place they need to eat. Somebody does ask. They smile and say, “I’m good with something.”
It is a lie.
They’d a really particular craving.
They wedge themselves into the center seat and grow to be invisible inside ten minutes. Kind 7 is narrating the passing cows. Kind 4 is writing of their journal. Kind 8 is driving like vengeance itself. Kind 9 closes their eyes and mentally retreats into their psychological zen rainforest.
When the arguments begin, they attempt to mediate.
“Possibly we’re all simply drained,” they mutter, as if exhaustion is a character flaw and never the group’s complete working system.
Somebody snaps at them.
They shrink two inches and faux to be asleep.
By the tip of the journey, they’ve in some way hugged everybody, apologized twice for issues they didn’t do, and quietly patched three emotional wounds with a well-timed shoulder pat and a bag of Skittles.
Nobody remembers them yelling. Nobody remembers them consuming. However everybody feels weirdly calmer once they’re round.
And that’s how they prefer it. Kind of. Possibly.
(They’ll give it some thought later.)
What Do You Suppose?
Which function do you relate to most? How do you’re feeling about household street journeys? Tell us within the feedback!
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